Monthly Archives: November 2018

Marriage. My Double Decade!

“When over the years someone has seen you at your worst, and knows you with all your strengths and flaws, yet commits him- or herself to you wholly, it is a consummate experience. To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us.”
Timothy Keller, The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God
 This song by Lady Gaga, “Is That Alright?” gave me pause. The first time I heard it, I had to repeat and repeat. I sat in silence and listened. I could see in pictures my dating story to my marriage story play out in the words.  It is a story that communicates my hopes from beginning to now. . .
Life is so simple
A little boy, a little girl
Laughing and loving
Tryin’ to figure out the world
Growing up. Dreaming. Living.
It felt like summer
When I kissed you in the rain
And I know your story
But tell me again
Nothing you say wouldn’t interest me
All of your words are like poems to me
I would be honored if you would take me as I am

Dating Byron. Taking more time to look a certain way. Mostly, giving him the best of me. Lots of letter writing and cards. Expressing how I feel. Fear. Joy. Tears. Not wanting to be apart. 

I want you
To look right in my eyes
To tell me you love me
To be by my side
I want you
At the end of my life
I wanna see your face when I fall with grace
At the moment I die
Is that alright?
Is that alright?
I wanted this before I ever knew Byron. I wanted this when I was a little girl. I wanted this when we were dating. I wanted this when we were newly married. 

❤️ I just realized, only recently because I’ve spent my time praying, thinking, reflecting and sharing, on marriage THAT I WANT THIS NOW MORE THAN EVER.

I hope you’re still with me

When I’m not quite myself
And I pray that you’ll lift me
When you know I need help
Byron has been. He has a very large heart. He loves me and I know that.
It’s a warm celebration
Of all of our years
I dream of our story
Of our fairy-tale
Family dinners and family trees
Teachin’ the kids to say, “Thank you, ” and, “Please”
Knowin’ if we stay together that things will be right
Let’s be honest. . . I think there’s been equal time in ‘cold disgust’ (being selfish and ‘putting up’). I dreamed of THE fairytale not my marriage. Marriage has never been easy. There have been seasons of contentment with each other, seasons where we are tag-team parenting, briefly seeing one another and seasons where I think we both needed a break from each other’s selfishness.

UN-TEACHING the kids to say shut up, butt, stupid, dummy, ugly. . . K I D S. Boy do they change the dynamic. Knowing, I committed to this marriage and it is a covenant. . . I can’t go. . .

I want you
To look right in my eyes
To tell me you love me
To be by my side
I want you
At the end of my life
Wanna see your face when I fall with grace
At the moment I die
Is that alright?
Is that alright?
Is that alright?
I do not want to be alone. I do not want to start over. I don’t want to pretend things were never done or said. I have a lot right now and I may not show it but it feels safe. My marriage feels like a safe place for my tears and thoughts and laughter. 

For me. Working on my marriage means pursuing the God of my heart to satisfy the deepest of longings. To love Byron, knowing that I am completely loved by God. 

 

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Georgia Jewel 100

This was not the race I prepped for. This was not the prep I had in mind for a 100 mile race. My “A” race this year was Kodiak 100 in Big Bear, CA, August 17-18, 2018. This race did not go as planned, and I dropped at mile 45.

Two days later. . . at the LV airport. . . I signed up for the Georgia Jewel 100 (September 22, 2018) at the urging of my husband. I prefer to train in the heat and humidity of the South and to race in the altitude and cool air of the West. So, this would be something different. I decided that because it was close to home, and $200. That I would sign up. If I decided that I would not be able to race in 4 weeks, I would only be out $200.

Lead up to the race:   I rested for a week after my DNF (45-miler).

  • August 20-26–39 miles
  • August 27-September 2–16 miles. UGH! I pulled my hamstring!!
  • September 3-Sept 9–walk 15.5 miles/run 30 miles
  • September 10-Sept 16–41 miles
  • September 17-Sept 21–rode the bike
  • Sept. 22-23–race day 100 miles

Logistics: The trip from Franklin to Dalton, GA was about 3 1/2 hours. Our hotel was 1/2 mile from the race start. The room was nice and this gave my crew a place, close, to nap and shower as needed throughout the next two days.

Drama: This race was not short of drama for me. I dislike drama. My two crew members/pacers were first rate, cool as cucumbers, happy, fun. I COULD NOT have finished this one without their consistent, calm reactions to my ‘drama’.

  • around mile 16 I fell, slid off the trail and came to a stop with my head against a rock. The hit jarred my jaw. I sat for a minute. Thought to myself, everything seems okay. “Surely, my head is not bleeding from that!” I put my hand to my head. I was bleeding. The blood covered my hand. I took my tank off and used it to put pressure on my head and I walked for a while.
  • around mile 93, I started my period. REALLY?! This was laughable. I was not necessarily expecting it but in hind sight it helped to explain my ‘sleepy’ tiredness and the fact that I had to poop, like 5 times!! (In my past two 100s, I was not tired in the sleepy sense. I also rarely have to poop in a 100-miler. I usually do that before and after.)
  • around mile 96, I could not squat fast enough to pee. I peed on myself. The worst part about this was the instant pain from the extreme chaffing I had from my pubic bone to the top of my thighs. I took my tank off and tucked it into my shorts. I did my best to situate it so that it did not look like I had a bulge in my compression shorts!!!  HA.

My pacers/crew: Mary and Kathy were the highlight! These two did not skip a beat. They are made from the same calm, collected mold!! They both crewed me and paced me. They let me cry. They let me sit. They let me feel sorry myself, B R I E F L Y.

(at mile 19) “Guys, I hit my head and I am bleeding. . . “

Kathy, “It looks okay.”

Mary, “It will clot.”

(at mile 43) “Kathy, I think I want to be finished.”

Kathy, “Okay. Let’s finish the next loop and then, make that decision.”

Kathy and Mary are seasoned ultra runners. I think it was challenging to crew and pace, because they did not get to rest much, if at all. They were always on. These two were probably 50% of the reason that I finished this one.

This race was an easy one to crew and pace. Miles 42-71 start and end at the same aid station. There are 2 loops to complete, 2 times each. Mary paced me for 1 of loop 1 and 1 of loop 2, miles 50-63. Kathy paced me for 1 of loop 2, plus the distance to Snake Creek aid station, miles 63-81. BOY, it was great to have them both. I moved faster with them, then if I were on my own.

The course: I loved the early start. This course was pretty. This course was tough. This course was fun! LOTS of ups and downs. The Keown Falls section was the toughest part in my opinion, not the first time through during the daylight hours, but the second time through during the night! Wow! Tough. I think one of the best running sections for me was the part of the course from miles 42-71. You have four loops to run, before heading back to the finish. These were very runnable miles.

The aid station at Dry Creek was fantastic, after each loop, the runner came back to the same spot. They had a bathroom and my favorite aid station food, almond milk, peanut butter, banana smoothies. YUM!

N E V E R give up. The last 10 miles were so hard. I cannot tell you how many times I was ready to stop. Thank you to sweeper extraordinaire, Ginny Kelly!! (Is there a moment when she in not a spirit of joy?) She helped me keep moving forward.

And there I was D F L.

 

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Thank you to Jenny Baker for an exceptional race. Well run. Well organized. Well staffed. Great race. Put it on your race calendar!!