Monthly Archives: July 2017

Storms, rainbows, self care

I woke up Sunday morning crying. I was hurting. I was not exactly sure what I needed but I did not want to go anywhere and I did not want to be around anyone. I asked my husband if he and the kids could go to church without me. I needed to have space to cry, uninterrupted. Cry without worrying my kids. Cry without my husband worrying about me. I laid down and cried. . . sad tears, angry tears, tears of loss, tears of uncertainty. . .

<<Sob>> Β that’s what it was. . . sobbing.

Fortunately, in the raging storm of sadness, the rainbow of God’s overpowering love would intermittently light up the sky. Dazzling multicolored ribbons of light waves exploding from heaven to earth never come on cloudless days. They are impossible without the same wind and moisture that causes darkness and gloom. The same raindrops falling from the sky become prisms for the rays of light to reveal their true colors. Rainbows are always around us–they are just invisible without sadness in the sky. The same nerve endings that allow you to feel the pain of searing loss also allow you to feel God’s presence and his glory to a degree that previously could not have been reached. When you don’t numb the hurt but rather grit your teeth and face it, God meets you there and allows the deep trough of your sorrow to become a reservoir full of his presence.

Levi Lusko, “Swipe Right: The Life-And-Death Power of Sex And Romance”

God will stop at nothing to heal my broken soul. That means it might hurt. I kept a notebook by my bed, open to the page where I wrote, I know that you are here. I know that you are with me.

To stop yourself from grieving because it’s against the rules or because you think it shouldn’t hurt so much leaves you emotionally stunted and numb.

-Liz Seda, “We Have A Right To Grieve Losses Big and Small”, tinybuddha.com

Own the grief to the fullest. Do not let the messages or discomfort of people around you keep you from this. They may want you to pull it together and get yourself under control so they will feel comfortable.

-Robert Burney. “Heal Your Inner Child.com”

I am learning about self compassion, self care, meeting the needs of myself when I am in an emotional, sad place. In a place where I am stuck emotionally. Being kind to myself. There are many different ways to show self care. Here are mine.

protect my boundaries. . . defend them in the trenches if I need to

have a safe place to land (spouse)

have a friend who is your safe place to express, share emotions

Ask for what you need, no matter how silly or unimportant it might sound to others.

Time alone to cry. It is difficult to be sad around my kids.

seek advice of a professional

involve others in the care of you (me) & ask

Finally. . .Β 

Grief is a strange and new thing to me. I am better. I am getting better. Thank you to the women in my life who have listened, who have cried. . . without judgement, sharing my journey to an unknown destination (still on course). You, ladies, have been completely willing to end up where I need to go. You have given me your heart. You have not controlled me. You have offered unconditional support.

 

 

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Training for a Monster 100

This September, I am running the Mogollon Monster 100 in Pine, AZ. I am in week 9 of 18. July at a glance. I like to use the training block of weeks 7-11 for some really long runs on Saturday. I do not like running back to back long runs. My 45 year of body responds better to a long Saturday run-rest day-long Monday run. The work I do during the week tends to be speed and hills.

I think that my two biggest challenges with the Mogollon Monster 100 will be the altitude and the technical terrain. This 100 miles the racer from elevations of 5,300 feet at the start to upwards of 8,000 feet at the top of the Mogollon Rim. There will be approximately 22,000 feet of climbing. This is almost identical to Pine to Palm. But, I think the trail will be more technical.

What will help me most is the humidity, running hard hill repeats, and running hard tempo runs on the trail. I love running in the heat/humidity. I love running hills. I love running hard. I am looking forward to the weeks to come. πŸ™‚

Week Mon Tues Wed Thurs Friday Sat Sunday Total
June 26-July 2 14.09

2900’

8 + weights 11.2

500’

10.25

1600’

14.28

689’

13

1800’

10.6 81.42

7500’

3-9 10.2

1388’

9.2 1700’ +

5.2 walk, 250’

2 + weights

1584’

11 + 2175’ 7

1056’

30

4800’

rest 75

12,869’

10-16 12.2

2570’

8.5, stairs, gym 12.63

1775’

2 @15%

2 run

gym

1584’

6

1093’

30.3

4366’

Rest 74.2

11,388’

17-23 15 6 10 4 10 26 rest 71
24-30 15 7 13 8 10 27-30 rest 80-83