Monthly Archives: April 2016

Taper: Tillamook Burn Trail Run 50

April running stats so far. . .

  • Week 1: 57.5 miles, 3 days on the trail, 3 days on the road, long run 25 miles
  • Week 2: 55.8 miles, 4 days trail, 1 day road, long run 23 miles
  • Week 3: TAPER, 4 days trail, 1 day road, long run 10-12 miles
  • Week 4: TAPER & race 4, 3, 2, 50!!

(EXHALE)

I am running the Tillamook Burn Trail Run on April 30th with Teresa. We are running the 50 mile. Click on the link and check out the course. I am very excited. I LOVE heading West to race on the trail. I have never been to Oregon. Based on the pictures, the trail looks green, lush and beautiful.

Tillamook offers a 50K, a 50, and a 50/50K. It is 9300′ of elevation gain and 9300′ of elevation loss, approximately 25 miles up and 25 miles down. This should be a match made in heaven for Teresa and me!!  I love to hike/run uphill and she loves downhill running. C A N N O T wait.

Mental tapering: There is some mental homework that needs to be done, while my body is physically resting. It is a two week time to reflect on my training, to reflect on my goals, to reflect on the course. Here are my race “key” words.

  • Patience. Expect to be on the trail ALL day and expect to LOVE it. How often to I GET to run from sun up to sun down without having to think about dinner, lunch, homework, appointments? It is like a thought reset for me.
  • Trust. I put in the work that I decided was necessary. I can trust my training. No regrets.
  • Meditate. The 5 senses. Touch. Sight. Taste. Sound. Smell. What will I touch? How will it feel? What will I see? What will I taste? What will I hear? What will I smell?
  • Worship. I view long races as an ongoing conversation with Jesus, like when the disciples were on the road to Emmaus. Teresa and I on the road to Emmaus talking about life, deep in conversation. . . then, Jesus shows up, right along side. He joins in our conversation. He joins in our running, our walking, interrupted only by eating, drinking, aid stations, bathroom breaks, sock changes. He will be there. HIS creation all around. . .
  • Write it down. Teresa and I sat down and broke down this course aid station to aid station. We thought about our paces. We thought about how it might feel, physically. We thought about our drop bag. It was great to put down the paces on paper and move through the course with those times.
  • Imagine. Imagine myself climbing strong and even. I will picture myself smiling A LOT. I will picture myself at each aid station. I will picture myself crossing the finish line.

How I have trained differently. I have done more power hiking. I have not added more treadmill hiking, but I have chosen to power hike a bit more of my overall miles. Practicing the rhythm. Practicing the pace.

How I have trained the same. Hill repeats. Core work. Long runs. Track work. Hiking on the treadmill. I continue to hike on the treadmill at 15% for at least 2 miles at a time, about 2 times a week, after running. I have continued to do hill repeats. I have power walked more of them this time around.

Some key elements of this race:

  • 6 ascents.  3 are 2 miles and under. 3 are significant, 4 miles, 7 miles, 5-6 miles.
  • 6 decents. 3 are 2 miles and under. 3 are significant, 4 miles, 7 miles, 5-6 miles.
  • 7 aid stations
  • access to our drop bags and a bathroom at one aid station that we will visit three times, miles 11.7, 24.2 and 36.4
  • 15 hour cutoff (we chose early start)
  • 11 hours to get to mile 36.4
  • 12.5 hours to get to mile 44.6
  • our start time is 5:00 am.
  • It is Oregon. It could rain on and off all day. It could just rain all day.
  • We will have one 10+ mile section of forest/jeep road from about miles 24-36. This is also the longest climb. I think we are both looking forward to this.

One week to go time. . .

I’d rather be completely exhausted from the hard times which breed success. . . than well rested from achieving nothing.

 

 

 

 

Working on ‘Ideal’

I made a calculated decision this week to “let go” of my binge food. NOT to restrict, but to ALLOW myself to experience the feelings I was having associated with not being 100%. Being injured and thus not being able (in my case) to run to control the potential effects of binging. I also did not try to use any other form of exercise to control the fact that I was not running as much.

I abruptly ended my last blog post, It’s Not Ideal, with this quote. Let me use it as a transition, now. The decision to let go of my binge food was not too much of a challenge the first week that I tried. It was pretty easy, in fact. I did not crave it. I did not miss it. I thought it would be tougher because Byron was gone all week in CA.

The challenge began, when he got back, because he came home with the FLU,  and he was very sick. I did not want to be sick. I did not want the kids to be sick. I wanted a break. He had no energy to help. I was expecting his homecoming with anticipation. I could, then, exhale and not be solely responsible for math, bath, attitudes, gratitudes, sass, spelling. . . .

I drove to Kroger the evening he came back. We needed food for the week. ALL I wanted was ice cream. I went up and down the aisles debating with myself.

You deserve it. 

It’s no big deal.

You don’t need it

Just buy it.

You need something else.

It’s a reward.

Remember? Feelings?

I made it out of Kroger. I made it to my car. My heart was beating fast. Sat in the quiet.

Owning our story and loving ourselves through the process is the bravest thing we will ever do.

-Brene Brown

Shame cannot survive being spoken and being met with empathy.

-Brene Brown

“You cannot get rid of shame from your life. You can become resilient.” I would question my counselor over and over again,  when she would say this to me. I would say, “but there has to be a way. . . ” I finally surrendered. I asked her what resilience meant in practicality. She said, “when you find yourself in shame, reach out to a safe friend who can provide empathy.”

I reached out. I texted a friend who knows that I struggle with an Eating Disorder. She also knew that I chose to “let go” of my binge food for a while. I texted her and all I said was, “ALL I want is ice cream. I’m sitting in the parking lot of Kroger.”

As soon as I sent it, I regretted it. I wanted to take it back at first. I also wanted to know what I was feeling that was causing me to want to emotionally check out with a bowl or two of ice cream. I started to cry. I was mad at Byron for being sick. I was mad because I had to spend who knows how much longer taking care of “kids” and “life” until he got better. It was not fair. I cried. I was mad at myself for letting something as ‘silly’ as ice cream control me, beckon me. I let myself cry for a while. I let myself be mad. I let myself be disappointed. I decided to feel empathy for myself. . . erasing the tapes. . .

You should be able to handle this, you are a strong women.

You should stop crying and act like the strong person you are.

You should be able to do anything without his help.

You should be able to put a smile on your face for everyone to see how well you are holding it together. 

You should stop being such a baby about this. 

You should not allow anyone to see this imperfection.

For at least 20+ years of my life, containing the thoughts and knowing how to process them in a positive healthy manner felt like an impossible task. I make an attempt to control and restrict my intake not because I actually wanted to lose weight or because I was fat. I’ve been doing it because I want(ed) to lose the emotions, memories and feelings and this is the only way I knew how. 

I felt resilient by speaking my shame to someone. My heart stopped beating so fast when I sat and thought that it was okay to feel all that I was. The racing feeling of my thoughts disappeared when I acted compassionately toward myself and dropped the “should’s” and let the tears fall.

Perfectionism is a 20-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it’s the thing that’s really preventing us from being seen and taking flight.

-Brene Brown

 

It’s Not Ideal

March has been a mixed bag.

  • Week 1: 57 miles, 4 days on the trail, 20 mile long run
  • Week 2: 62 miles, 3 days on the trail, 2 x 18 mile runs
  • Week 3: 9 miles, 1 trail day, 5 days on the bike
  • Week 4: 25 miles, 1 trail day, 3 bike days, 2 road days
  • Week 5: 40 miles, 0 trail days, 6 road days

What gives? I’m training for a 50 miler on 4/30. I have been running with some form of pain/irritation since January along with. . .

  • Two Doctor’s visits
  • Too much reading on the Internet
  • Lots of self diagnosis
  • New shoes
  • Old shoes
  • New shoes again
  • KT tape

Mid March, things had to change. I had no clue how things would get better or if anything would be better. I could run. I could push the mileage. I could accept the discomfort and the irritation. I wanted relief but I also wanted to run. I really did not think I could find the answer to my discomfort. I was still looking for anything.  I saw Leah Sawyer. Her treatment has really helped me to turn the corner. There was second guessing, crying, frustration, impatience FROM ME! (I think I may have driven her a bit crazy. Stay tuned for a follow up PT blog)

I think I was trying to ignore the feelings I was having and I was trying to just press on. Remember this quote from my “I Feel Fat” post?

I feel like I want to crawl out of my skin because containing the thoughts and knowing how to process them in a positive healthy manner feels like an impossible task.
I say I feel fat when I feel everything is overspilling in my mind.
I make an attempt to control and restrict my intake not because I actually want to lose weight or because I am fat i’m doing it because I want to lose the emotions, memories and feelings and this is the only way I know how. “When I say I Feel Fat” The Psychology Journal.

When things come up in my life that I do not want to think about. . . When things come up in my life that I do not know the outcome . . . When things come up in my life that I imagine the worst outcome. . . When I don’t want to think about something that is hard or that is potentially hard. . . When I am sad. . . When I am confused. . . When I am trying to control how I seem to other people. . . When I am ashamed of who I think I am. . . where I am failing, where I have shame. . .

. . . I make an attempt to control and restrict my intake not because I actually want to lose weight or because I am fat. I’m doing it because I want to lose the emotions, memories and feelings and this is the only way I know now.

I made a calculated decision this week to “let go” of my binge food. NOT to restrict, but to ALLOW myself to experience the feelings I was having associated with not being 100%. Being injured and thus not being able (in my case) to run to control the potential effects of binging. I also did not try to use any other form of exercise to control the fact that I was not running as much, not running on the trail as much.