The Unmaking

Looking forward to rest. After the Cumberland Plateau Stage Race, it was time to rest and start preparing for what is next. There is always a next, right? My week of rest was fun. Instead of running, I walked (WALKED) on the treadmill. Instead of running, I rode the stationary bike. Instead of running, I added an extra day of weight training.

Between the song at the end of this post and the book by Henry Cloud, NECESSARY ENDINGS, and the simple quote from Kristin Armstrong, “be more interested than interesting.” I had a great deal to think about and think about and think about. I need an “unmaking” of sorts. I need to be more interested than interesting. I am working on some “necessary endings”.

It is a process of becoming more like Jesus and less like Liz.

Lately, I have been moving toward longer races, with the potential for a 100 mile race one day. Each race is a journey. What can I leave behind that might not have worked? What is tried and true? What is new? What parts of me do I need to “unmake”? What am I gonna hold onto and do myself? What am I going to surrender?

“Losing myself” is not finding my way to a new self. It is not a re-creation. It is not a re-incarnation. It is not about forgetting the path that has brought me to where I am today. It is about being reminded, again, who I am made to be. God made me to run. He brought me down this path. So, what I am bringing that He does not want me to carry? What have I added? Sometimes, I add lies. I add pride. I add selfishness. I add boastful-ness. What I am is, His, and I am going through an “unmaking” right now.

This is where the walls gave way
This is demolition day
All the debris, and all this dust
What is left of what once was
Sorting through what goes and what should stay

Every stone I laid for You
As if You had asked me to
A monument to Holy things
Empty talk and circling
Isn’t that what we’re supposed to do

What happens now
When all I’ve made is torn down
What happens next
When all of You, is all that’s left

This is the unmaking
The beauty in the breaking
Had to lose myself
To find out who You are
Before each beginning
There must be an ending
Sitting in the rubble
I can see the stars
This is the unmaking

The longer and the tighter that we hold
Only makes it harder to let go
But love will not stay locked inside
A steeple or a tower high
Only when we’re broken, are we whole

I’ll gather the same stones where
Everything came crashing down
I’ll build You an altar there
On the same ground

‘Cause what stood before
Was never Yours

-The Unmaking–Nichole Nordeman