Eating. . . my first 50K

(Readers–This post was originally penned on 2/9/13. The “race” was my first 50K, Stump Jump October 2012. I am not sure why I never posted it. I think at the time, it was hard to talk about these things. These struggles are on-going, but I am happy to say that on most days, I do not have to do battle.) I would love to hear your comments. Give me some feedback.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

“I’m done starving myself. . . “

Going into this race, I kept hearing, “you’ve got to eat” and “you’re not eating enough”. To someone with a disordered way of eating, this causes anxiety, uncertainty. When I am told by someone, who is obviously fit, that ‘I need to eat more’? Do they see me? I mean, “do they see me” in a way I do not see myself?

You see. . .

I’ve been starving myself

I’ve been starving my kids

I’ve been starving my husband

I’ve been starving my soul!

When I starve myself, physically,

I cannot possibly give my husband and kids what they need from my emotionally.

I cannot possibly experience the peace or deep security Jesus has for me.

I cannot possibly express the peace and the comfort Jesus has for me to give     to others.

I believe in order to run a 50K, eating is ABSOLUTELY necessary to finish at all, but in life I believe eating will destroy me, change me and comfort me? In this race, my mind was essential.

When you starve your brain long enough, the truth is impossible to distinguish.  . . I become lost. .  . It becomes starved until it dies to truth.  Without enough food in this race, I could not have tapped into the vast power of my mind and Spirit. Eating/fueling taught me how vital good eating is for the use of my mind and body on a daily basis.

I’m a work in progress. I know that I will last forever. I’m living in the ‘now ‘AND the ‘not yet’. I will have days of personal triumph over my ‘demons’, and days of utter exhaustion as I ‘battle’. I’m not alone. I never am. I never will be. I am chosen. I am loved. I am strong. I am beautiful.

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4 thoughts on “Eating. . . my first 50K

  1. Stacie

    Love it! We all struggle with different “demons”. It is good to share these struggles with others we trust & care about. I still use your confirming phrases when challenged on the trails. I have also shared them with others. “I am strong, I am beautiful, I am full of energy, I love hills”. Thank you for your support & encouragement to me & others!

    Reply
    1. ooartist1234 Post author

      Stacie-Thanks for your comment. Lady! You are a wise friend. I appreciate your insight, your thoughts and your friendship. You are strong, beautiful, energetic, and I have witnessed your LOVE of hills!! Your Stump Jump story is “true grit”. Loved it. Keep running. keep loving your family. Keep loving yourself. Keep being my friend! 🙂

      Reply
  2. Jennifer

    Running has showed me how wonderful it feels to be strong…to train hard and see the rewards. Like many people, I look in the mirror and criticize imperfections. I do my best to eat cleanly and to not think of foods as ‘good or bad’. I’ve gone through phases of not eating enough and beating myself up for poor food choices. For the last few years, I’ve tried my best to find balance. Sometimes it’s easier said than done. Thank you for writing such a brave and honest blog post. I’m sure that so many will relate.

    Reply
    1. ooartist1234 Post author

      Jennifer-First thank you for commenting. To me, this blog lives through ongoing dialogue and comments. As women, man!, we do not have an easy road, sometimes. Crazy what the world tells us how we should look, if we should work or not, what we should eat, what we should wear. It seems impossible NOT to compare ourselves to a magazine or a friend. I am like you. I do not like to think of food as ‘good or bad’. I am raising two beautiful girls. I do not want them to think they are less than beautiful, intelligent, special. I think that as I age I am being kinder to myself. I also REALLY, REALLY like how trail running is different than road running. The time I get to be in the woods, is restorative. Thanks again for your input. Your comments stretch this post to much more than my words!

      Reply

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